ARE (TEA PARTY) REPUBLICAN EXTREMISTS THE ENEMY AND TRAITORS TO AMERICA? by R. Blackbird

Extremist (Tea Party) Republicans are selfish, power hungry, hateful of the poor, disloyal to the nation and its people, dishonest, avaricious, scornful of the nation's history, the dignity of its institutions, its standards of political morality, and its vision of advancement for all the people. The Republicans love war as long as they and theirs do not have to put on helmets and carry guns into the fighting. They use lies to start wars that kill hundreds of thousands of innocents and thousands of our own military service people. They love massive war-time profits, unavailable to their rich masters if war is absent.

Those Extremist Republicans hate the rest of us, which they must, in order to pass away from themselves and onto us, the financial burdens and losses their crimes, schemes and thefts cause. They are prolific, incessant, and destructive liars. They are blasphemers for they insist that their hateful and destructive deeds are the work of God. They are apostates for they gleefully attack the poor, the immigrants, the old and the sick, of whom God has commanded all of us to be mindful.

There is no reasoning with them, for all their logic is built on false premises. There is no appealing to them for honor's sake for they have lost all sense of shame and have no honor, there is no appealing to them for the nation's sake for that it what they hate the most.

Extremist (Tea Party) Republicans are the enemy.

Trent Lott

Charges: Old school Dixiecrat segregationist who switched parties along, with Strom Thurmond, back when Democrats decided to be nicer to black people.

Retired from the Senate early, to dodge a new law that mandates a two-year wait between retiring from congress and becoming a lobbyist.

That, and the dirt Larry Flynt has on him.

Exhibit A: Was in the "Singing Senators," a closeted a cappella group, with John Ashcroft, Jim Jeffords and Larry Craig -- not that there's anything wrong with that.

Mike Huckabee

Charges: What's worse, a calculating politician pretending to be a devout Christian, or a genuine heartland preacher who didn't come from no monkey?

Huckabee is both -- a Southern Baptist who rejects Darwin, wants to give everyone a gun and thinks people with AIDS should be quarantined, and a seedy, corrupt politician who's never seen a payoff so low he won't stoop to pick it up.

Democrats see Huckabee as easily defeated in a general election, but they shouldn't be so sure -Smooth talking preachers tend to do well in this country.

Huckabee is well-spoken, kind-faced, and the opposite of wordly -- he's Obama for hicks.

Exhibit A: "I got into politics because I knew government didn't have the real answers, that the real answers lie in accepting Jesus Christ into our lives... I hope we answer the alarm clock and take this nation back for Christ."

Judith Regan

Charges: Has done more to debase the written word than Tom Friedman.

Defiled an apartment intended to house overworked 9/11 rescuers, just so Bernard Kerik could plumb her putrescent shallows.

Exhibit A: ReganBooks' roster of "authors" included Rush Limbaugh, Robert Bork, Jenna Jameson, Jose Canseco, Janice Dickinson, John Gibson and Sean Hannity.

Apparently, Dracula and the Wolfman had prior obligations.

David Gregory

Charges: The notion of his insight rests entirely on his striking resemblance to a shrewder, more beloved Dr. Zaius.

Starchier than a peep booth wastebasket, Gregory's occasional faux-outraged exchanges with various White House press secretaries have established his reputation as a man unafraid to confront the big scandals -- once they've been well mainstreamed by better reporters.

Managed to slip by the Valerie Plame scandal completely unnoticed, though Ari Fleischer testified to leaking Plame's CIA status to Gregory three days before the infamous Novak column ran.

His absurd, over compensatory assurance he has "no problem with being tough" notwithstanding, his penile-cleft haircut -- much like the warning coloration of venomous reptiles -- betrays his true poisonous nature.

Exhibit A: No dignified reporter would be so visibly happy filling in for Matt Lauer on The Today Show.

Sherri Shepherd

Charges: Perfectly illustrated the Creationist's level of intellect when she declared her disbelief in evolution, and was immediately stumped about the shape of the earth, explaining her ignorance was due to the fact she was too busy feeding her children to acquire rudimentary knowledge about... well, about anything, presumably.

Further compounded her astonishing lack of basic knowledge when she, authoritatively, declared Jesus Christ came before the ancient Greeks, and she didn't think "anything predated Christians".

Judging by these statements, Sherri probably thinks there are dragons on the other side of her desk.

Exhibit A: Accurately reflects the intelligence of her viewing audience.

Lou Dobbs

Charges: Obvious, intensifying xenophobia and distrust of the yellow and brown races, possibly exacerbated by Mexican wife.

Whatever useful message Dobbs once had about economic populism and the deleterious effects of globalization and cheap labor on American wages has long been tainted by his obvious animosity towards foreigners, specifically Mexicans and the Chinese.

Every installment of his hour-long broadcast on CNN is dominated by reports about the "menace" of foreign imports, be they illegal immigrants crossing "our broken borders" to spread disease and rape our women, or poisonous products from "communist China".

Proof that Dobbs is a venomous yellow journalist can be seen in his reaction to media criticism of a segment on his show, in which it was erroneously reported there had been a sudden upsurge in leprosy cases, totaling 7,000 in just three years, the source of which was a lawyer who had also said in speeches Mexican immigrants tend to molest children.

In truth, there had been 7,000 cases of leprosy in the past thirty years.

Dobbs was confronted several times with this fact -- first he strongly defended his numbers, then strongly denied ever having used his numbers.  A real journalist admits his errors. Dobbs is an ass.

Exhibit A: Sharply criticized the use of Mexican flags in immigrant demonstrations, then denied the obvious double standard of that comment by going on to say that he would have the same problem with Irish flags at the St. Patrick's Day parade, and, in fact, that he was against St. Patrick's Day.

Yeah, sure, Lou.

John Boehner

Charges: A Tom Delay disciple of shameless hypocrisy, Boehner won't stop weeping openly on the House floor -- real crying, from his tear ducts.

It's not passion; it's the pathetic noontime inebriation of an obvious, documented alcoholic.

Job title, "Minority Whip," is ironically hilarious.  Bound by ideology to destroy nation.

Exhibit A: His name is Boner.

Steven Moore

Charges: Founder of the election-law-breaking PAC Club for Growth, Moore's the Wall Street Journal's most brazen corporate apologist and free market sycophant, who's trotted out on TV to manicure the invisible hand every time it chips a nail squashing the poor.

Exhibit A: "If you don't want to buy a Chinese toy, don't buy it at Wal-Mart.

"But you know why people buy these things?  "Because they're cheap and, for the most part, they're pretty good products."

Mitt Romney

Charges: America's first clip-art presidential candidate, Romney is a strange mixture of game show host looks and android charm.

A true flip-flopper, Romney's ability to turn on an ideological dime is unparalleled, but his excuses are so inauthentic even Republicans have trouble suspending their disbelief.

Exhibit A: "You can't have freedom without religion, and you can't have religion without freedom."

John Hagee

Charges: A fat, submoronic pastor who is literally trying to bring about the end of the world, Hagee is the leader of the peculiar movement of Christian Zionism, whose basic plan is to get Israel full control of Jerusalem, setting the stage for world war and Armageddon, so Hagee and his flock can ascend to heaven while the Jews, Muslims (especially the Muslims) and everyone else can suffer and die in the wreckage.
 

But lest you get the idea Hagee is an earnestly insane man of the cloth, it turns out he's also paid himself in the millions, first from his non-profit TV station, which he cleverly turned into a tax-exempt church.
 

So maybe Hagee is just another charlatan, but his message is still the most dangerous he could possibly preach.

Exhibit A: "I deserve every dime I'm getting."

Dinesh D'Souza

Charges: Wrote a book blaming 9/11 on -- who else? -- liberals, because if we didn't live in a free society, then fundamentalists wouldn't dislike us so.

Even conservative nuts blasted D'Souza's empathy for poor al Qaeda.

Lately, he's been engaging prominent atheists in debates, revealing himself to be a pseudointellectual ass, and then declaring victory.

D'Souza's master plan for attacking atheism is the ridiculous Pascal's wager: Atheists could be wrong, and then they'd go to hell, but if the religious are wrong, then they suffer no ill effect -- aside from living their lives in delusion, of course.

And possibly going to someone else's hell for believing the wrong religion.

D'Souza seems to think if he speaks more loudly and rapidly than his opponent, he is winning, but his arguments are weak and idiotic, and he never even attempts to truly debate the existence of any god, which is the ostensible point of these debates.

Instead, he likes to compare body counts -- Stalin and Mao killed more than the religious leaders of their time -- rather than actually debate whether there is a God, or for that matter a Jesus.  This, of course, is because there is no case to be made.

Exhibit A: "[Atheists] are God-haters... I don't believe in unicorns, but then I haven't written any books called The End of Unicorns, Unicorns are Not Great, or The Unicorn Delusion."

"But what if everyone you met did believe in unicorns, and not only that, but worshiped a unicorn, held a book about unicorns to be the divine truth of the universe, invoked unicorns in political contexts, and speechified about how non-believers were indecent people waging a war on morality, which could only be predicated on the unquestioning belief in unicorns?  "Then, maybe, D'Souza would think about writing that book.

"But of course, that's not really true, because if that was the world we lived in, then Dinesh D'Souza would believe in unicorns.

William Kristol

Charges: Bears the burlesque Cheshire grin of a sophist born with a large silver spoon jammed sideways in his mouth.

A second generation neocon raised in the tradition of Straussian perception management and myth creation, Kristol is basically lying about everything -- always -- and he knows it.

Whether at the helm of Rupert Murdoch's Weekly Standard, appearing on Murdoch's Fox News Channel, or co-founding the disastrous Project for a New American Century, Bill is arguably the most egregious media hawk of a generation.

Seems to have suffered no ill impact to his career or prestige despite having been completely wrong about everything to do with Iraq and Iran, and actually laughs about it with obnoxious frequency.

Deryk Schlessinger

Charges: As enlistee son of holier-than-thou guru/right-wing physiologist and faux psychologist "Dr." Laura, maintained a MySpace page so clearly venting the kind of homicidal and misogynistic psychopathies of service in Afghanistan that an Army spokesman had to baselessly imply that it was the work of "our enemies" just to slow a well-deserved backlash.

An eager war pornographer, he produced and captioned a series of images and cartoons illuminating the disturbing inner viciousness his acting out it is our patriotic duty to ignore.

Bill O'Reilly

Charges: If judgmentalism were sugar, anyone in the same city as this paragon of intellectual overconfidence would lose their teeth within five minutes.

O'Reilly is everything that's wrong with America: Won't ever admit he was wrong about anything (and will lie repeatedly rather than correct himself), accuses all who disagree with him of treason or insanity, attacks all who criticize him, and glories in his own troglodytic bluster. Anoints himself an authority on morals, despite common knowledge that he is a sexual harasser.

Pretends to be an "independent" who just happens to look, sound, and act exactly like a Republican.

Hasn't engaged in a valid exchange of ideas in his entire career, because he knows he'd be crushed in seconds by an average college freshman.

O'Reilly wins by interrupting, shouting, and if all else fails, cutting off his opponent's microphone. A tiny, scared child of a man.

Exhibit A: "And this is what white America doesn't know, particularly people who don't have a lot of interaction with black Americans.  "They think that the culture is dominated by Twista, Ludacris, and Snoop Dogg."  Gee Bill, where would they get that idea?

David Petraeus

Charges: Two-star schlub elevated to four-star cheerleader, because all the experienced generals retired out of shame or dignity.  Under Dave's leadership training Iraqi security forces from 2004-05, the Pentagon lost track of approximately 30% of weapons distributed, including some 100,000 AK-47 assault rifles.  "Petraeus Report" rife with statistical manipulations, discounts pre-surge trends, claiming them as its own, and was heavily vetted, if not written entirely, by the White House.

Exhibit A: Nicknamed "Peaches."

David Vitter

Charges: And yet another family values Republican and Clinton-basher gets his glass house blown in.  A staunch marriage defender and abstinence promoter, who paid $300 an hour for his favorite hooker?  The only surprise there is, he's still hanging around the Senate, but then again, he did say he was sorry.  Denies evolution, yet was still compelled by his primate DNA to spread his seed far and wide.  Exhibit A: According to some, Vitter was nicknamed "the shitter" by Canal Street whores for his predilection for diaper play. Wholesome!

Larry Craig

Charges: This year's eminent toe-tappin' conservative queen of hypocrisy.  Thought the Defense of Marriage Act was FABULOUS! -- because he personally needs legislation to keep him straight.  Didn't work.

Brought unwanted knowledge of the intricate culture of anonymous gay public restroom sex into America's living rooms.

Embodies both the cause and result of faith-based sexual repression.

Insists on dragging out the least plausible public denial of buggery since Liberace's, presumably for the benefit of his frozen-smiled, slowly maddening wife.

Exhibit A: "I am not gay.  "I never have been gay."

Chris Matthews

Charges: Calling his show "Hardball" is like rechristening ping-pong "Thermonuclear Warfare."  Displays the slurred, unmodulated speech and unfocused antagonism of an aggrieved middle-management drunk.   Can read a scurrilous political attack into any paragraph at twenty paces.  Continues honing his pointless questions as his guests attempt to answer, cutting them off with an affected imperial weariness when their responses are insufficiently inane.  Apparently ignorant of the implications of satellite technology, Matthews shouts louder at geographically more distant guests.  Has repeatedly called Ann Coulter. "brilliant."  Referred to Gerald Ford's yuletide demise as the former president's "Christmas card to the country."  Unable to laugh like a normal human, Matthews compensates by simply shouting, "ha!"

Exhibit A: "This country is based on generalizations!"

Michael Ledeen

Charges: Alex Jones with influence.  Achieved every pushcart conspiracist's dream, finding a sympathetic ear, over three decades, in the highest echelons of government, for his deranged ambitions of conquest.  Hirsute and cockeyed, he still looks like he sleeps in his car.  A former Iran-Contra functionary and tied to the Niger yellowcake forgeries which set both the Iraq war and the Valerie Plame debacle in motion, he now has a jingoistic hard-on for Tehran the size of a tactical nuke.  One of many who now pretend they didn't advocate invading Iraq, but Ledeen's denial is utterly laughable, as he had been pushing for the invasion vociferously for years.

Exhibit A: "The only way to achieve peace is through total war."

Glenn Beck

Crimes: If Fox News isn't quite asinine enough for you, just click on over to Headline News, where the CNN brand is eagerly defiling its vestigial credibility by giving an hour a day to the dumbest dumbfuck in dumbfuckistan, Glenn Beck.

A white-knuckle, dry drunk, closet case man-child with apparent xenophobia issues and a penchant for end-times theology, Mormon convert Beck is palpably horny for the apocalypse, passive-aggressively accusing even the world's most benign Muslims of plotting America's destruction and likening withdrawal from Iraq to slavery.

Beck's combination of faux everyman persona and deliberate misinformation --

The hottest year on record was 1934 (actually 2005), tax cuts increase revenue (patently false Reaganomic mysticism), Antarctica is cooling, Scooter Libby went to jail -- seems increasingly insane, as his whole persona seems to be a frantic pantomime of how he thinks an even-keeled, "smart" bigot would act.

Thinks Al gore is "like Hitler."

May actually be in love with the president of Iran.

Exhibit A: "I don't know if the Muslim community will ever step to the plate like the Japanese-American community did, during World War II.  "You know, it was absolutely disgraceful how we rounded innocent people up then and, sadly, history has a way of repeating itself no matter how grotesque that history might be.  "The Muslim community can prevent this, if they act now."

Anne Coulter

Charges: A skeletal freak who hates the world and lives to anger people into buying her books.  Says Jews need to be "perfected", as if Christians are in better shape.  Is against her own right to vote.  Called John Edwards a faggot, when really he's just a little swishy.  Is about as sexy as a preying mantis.  If Coulter were a man, she'd never be allowed on TV.

Exhibit A: "Faggot isn't offensive to gays; it's got nothing to do with gays."

Alberto Gonzales

Crimes: The most truckling, amoral flunky to ever serve as Attorney General.
A jurisprudent organelle, he manifests no concept of the law independent of its expediency to the president.  Would smilingly accuse himself of providing material support to al Qaeda at President Bush's request, hurriedly plead guilty, sign his own death warrant and flip the switch himself.  His testimony before congressional committees is to public service what cholera is to the small intestine.  As first Hispanic Attorney General, Gonzo typifies the self-betrayal and ethical compromise necessary for minorities to become successful Republicans.  Been felching sweet approval from Bush's lily-white ass since Texas.  A conscienceless, memo-drafting, loophole-crafting liar for hire, pushing for all the worst administration policies, including nixing habeas corpus, denying and then defending rendition, torture, political firings, and a ton of other evil stuff. He even visited a seriously ill and disoriented John Ashcroft at the hospital, attempting to coax him into reauthorizing a clearly illegal wiretapping program.  The only Attorney General who ever could have made John Ashcroft a sympathetic character by contrast.   

Exhibit A: "The fact the Constitution -- again, there is no express grant of habeas in the Constitution.  "There is a prohibition against taking it away."

Conservative Birthers, Deathers, and other Extremists

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you.
You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish.  You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary.  You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism -- it's nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over.  You still think Republicans favor limited government.  Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears' children.  You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy.  You tolerate the phrase "enhanced interrogation techniques."  You think the government is actually trying to improve education.  You think watching FOX NEWS makes you smarter.  You think two parties is enough.  You can't spell.  You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable.  You believe in an afterlife... for the sole reason you don't want to die.  You think lowering taxes raises revenue.  You think the economy's doing well until you lose your job. You're an idiot.

Erik Prince

Charges: Priming Baghdad's streets for American imperialism by making them pristinely wog-free.  Prince's Iraq is one massive free-fire zone for his bullet-sweating mercenaries, a Hogan's Alley in which everyone dusky is blithely expendable, rape is a mischievous dalliance, and accountability an inside joke.  Remarkably, enabling the US occupation and simultaneously fomenting destabilizing enmity.  Bringing the privatization of warfare to full fruition -- next time, Exxon can just invade a country directly.  Exhibit A: Blackwater Vice Chairman Cofer Black is Mitt Romney's campaign counterterrorism policy adviser.  The company's website also hawks infant onesies.

Rudy Giuliani

Charges: 9/11 Tourette's syndrome, compounded by compulsive lying.  Despite the '93 WTC bombing, didn't act to put all first responders on the same radio frequency and chose to house his Emergency Command Center on the 23rd floor of WTC 7.
Giuliani Partners consulting firm routinely did business with a Qatar ministry run by royal Abdallah bin Khalid al-Thani, a man whose farm has seen guests the likes of Khalid Sheikh Muhammad and Osama bin Laden.

Wooed mistress and future wife with an NYPD chauffeur and trips to Southampton on NYC taxpayers' dime.

Ruined the prospect of a Times Square tug-job.

Exhibit A: Stages phone calls from his wife during campaign stops-to show 'em he's got family values.
Family values apparently do not include rudimentary put-it-on-vibrate cell phone etiquette. Invoked 9/11 to explain this.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid

Charges: Graduates of the Neville Chamberlain school of appeasement, the Democratic leadership continues to ignore the constitution-and the American people-by keeping impeachment "off the table" and refusing to defund the war.  True pushovers, they're too stupid, cowardly, weak and outmatched politically to accomplish anything substantive, their "strategy" essentially boiling down to whining a lot while handing Bush whatever the hell he wants.  There is just no way appearing this weak and ineffectual could be any better for them politically than impeachment.  Everything the White House gets away with, it gets away with because congress allows it.  Exhibit A: Failure to woo the two thirds majority needed to override a presidential veto is moot: They could defund the war with a 41-senator budgetary filibuster.  But that would take guts and conviction.

Fred Phelps

Charges: Leads a picketing campaign so hyperoffensive his Church is unanimously reviled by queers and Bible thumping homophobes alike.  Along with daughter, Shirley, will drag hate into the public spotlight wherever it might seem least helpful or appropriate as long as it garners his "cause" attention.  Harasses widows of heterosexual soldiers at funerals because their beloved were employed by a government that does not stone fags.  Torments loved ones of those murdered in anti-gay violence.  Is almost definitely gay himself.

Exhibit A: He is such an effective, soul-sucking brainwasher, Fred's granddaughter declines relationships because of her delusion that world will end in her lifetime.

Dick Cheney

Charges: Worst president ever.  So openly horrible, he now makes jokes about being Darth Vader.  Unashamedly advocating for executive abuse of power and corporate theft.  In and out of public office since his congressional internship during the Nixon Administration.  Didn't care about the quagmire he foresaw in '94, because since then he'd deftly maneuvered to profit from it. Polling lower than HPV.

Exhibit A: His Halliburton stock rose 3000% in 2007.  No joke.

Punishment: Raped by the sun.

George W. Bush

Charges: Is it a civil rights milestone to have a retarded president?  Maybe it would be, if he were ever legitimately elected. You can practically hear the whole nation holding its breath, hoping this guy will just fucking leave come January '09, and not declare martial law.  Only supporters left are the ones who would worship a fucking turnip if it promised to kill foreigners.  Is so clearly not in charge of his own White House that his feeble attempts to define himself as "decider", or "commander guy", are the equivalent of a five-year-old kid sitting on his dad's Harley, and saying "vroom vroom!"  Has lost so many disgusted staffers all he's left with are the kids from Jesus Camp.  The first president who is so visibly stupid he can say, "I didn't know what was in the National Intelligence Estimate until last week", and sound plausible.  Inarguably a major criminal and a much greater threat to the future of America than any Muslim terrorist.  Exhibit A: "And there is distrust in Washington.  "I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town.  "And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it."